


Best Friends?

by DancingKirby



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Brief Mention of Suicide, Crack, Gen, Homoerotic subtext, Humor, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Intersex Character, Purgatory, References to Amon/Ekou, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Humor, pronoun confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 06:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingKirby/pseuds/DancingKirby
Summary: When Ekou gets sacrificed, she and Yubel finally meet. And they have so much fun together! At least, Yubel thinks so...Ekou is just trying to keep her sanity.





	Best Friends?

**Author's Note:**

> I was about to post this last night, but I realized that I first needed to edit it first. This was originally published in 2007, and some of the jokes didn't age well. But now they have been brought up-to-date!

**Day 1**

When Ekou first regained consciousness, she was too dazed to do anything other than lie there with her eyes closed. Questions raced through her mind, increasing in intensity as she became more awake. Where was she? Why was everything so quiet? And why did it feel like all of her ribs were broken? Some vague images were whispering away in the back of her mind, like a dream that one can't quite remember. Something unpleasant had happened...

Wait a minute, now Ekou remembered. Those emotions had been no dream. She had been sacrificed. That big monster thing had squeezed her like a tube of toothpaste. Well, that would explain the rib pain.

But wait...did that mean she was dead now? If she was dead, why was she even here thinking these things? And where _was_ here, anyway?

Ekou finally found the strength to open her eyes and lift up her head. She looked at her surroundings. She was lying on the floor of a small room. The room was almost entirely white, with no furniture. The floor and walls were made all of marble, which wasn't exactly easy on Ekou's aching body. There was only one thing that broke the monotony. At the far side of the room, there was an ornate, wooden door with an old-fashioned latch.

If this was heaven, it was rather boring. Someone would have to correct the holy books...none of them had ever mentioned Heaven being so mind-crushingly boring. Wait...did this mean that this was Hell, then?

Just as Ekou was about to shrug the whole thing off and go back to sleep, the door swung open. Before Ekou even had time to cry out in surprise, she was tackled by...something.

"HIHIHIHIHI!" squealed this...something...over and over again. Ekou was more than slightly perturbed. However, she had undergone combat training too long to freak out over a random glomping. Instead, she asked as politely as she could, "Okay...will you please get off of me?"

To Ekou's relief, the thing did as she said. And...oh jeez, this _must_ mean she was in Hell. What other place could spawn such a...monstrosity? It looked like a person that had been skinned alive and dipped in tar. Eeeww. And there was a certain other significant thing about its appearance as well. Finally, she asked one question:

"Are you a boy or a girl?"

The being shrugged.

Ekou did not think that this was a satisfactory answer.

"You don't know?!" she said incredulously, "How can you not know whether you're a boy or a girl, for crying out loud? Isn't it kind of obvious?"

The entity pouted.

"But Judai-chan never told me!" it whined.

"And just why do you need someone to tell you? You can see for yourself, can't you?"

"No."

"Well, what pronouns do you use?"

No response other than another shrug. Screw it, she was just going to use "they."

This line of conversation wasn't going to go anywhere fast. Ekou decided to try a new subject.

"Okay...so can you at least tell me who you are and why I'm here?"

The organism instantly perked up. They got an excited gleam in their eye.

"Well, it's kind of a long story. You see, I'm on a mission to get my beloved Judai-chan back. Our love spans space and time; everything else is insignificant in comparison. Nothing will stand in my way, and I don't care how many people are sacrificed. You are just a small part of my ultimate plan. You are nothing. Just try and stop me! HAHAHAHA!"

Ekou sweatdropped.

"Oookaaayyyyy..." she said, mostly to herself, as the individual continued shrieking in a fit of demented glee. When they finally stopped with the maniacal laughter, they added one more sentence as an afterthought.

"Oh yeah, I forgot...I'm Yubel."

And with this statement, they walked out of the room, slightly out of breath from all the laughing. Ekou decided to just go back to sleep and pretend like none of this had ever happened.

**Day 1...Later**

Ekou thought that _now_ she would get some time alone to herself. However, Yubel proved persistent.

Just a couple hours later, it waltzed back into the room.

"Hello again!" they said cheerfully.

Ekou rolled her eyes.

"Will you leave me alone? I'm trying to deal with the trauma of being...you know...DEAD!"

Yubel tsked.

"Now that's not a very nice way to greet your new friend, is it? Now let's try something like, 'Hello, Yubel, ruler of the Universe and soon-to-be wife of my beloved Judai'?"

Okay, so NOW Yubel had decided that they were a girl? Ekou decided that she didn't want to know the reasoning behind this conclusion, so female pronouns it was. Although she badly wanted to tell Yubel to get the hell away from her, and that they were most certainly _not_ friends, she muttered the greeting that Yubel had suggested.

Yubel seemed to be thinking of something to say. Finally, she came up with something that seemed to be totally random.

"You know why we can be good friends? We have the same voice actor in the dub! Isn't that nice?"

As soon as she said this, one of the room's walls cracked vertically right down the middle. Yubel grinned as Ekou jumped at the noise.

"Do you like it? It's the fourth wall. It breaks whenever we say anything that reveals that we know that this is fictional!"

The wall cracked again, this time horizontally.

Ekou decided to just ignore these ramblings, since she couldn't make heads or tails out of what Yubel was saying. She decided that she was tired of beating around the bush. It was time to just ask the important questions up front.

"Tell me, Yubel...why do you keep bothering me if I'm so unimportant?"

Yubel frowned.

"Because I like you, silly! Until I get my hands on Judai-chan, I'll need someone to keep me company!"

"I'm not a lesbian, if that's what you were thinking, Yubel."

Yubel waggled an eyebrow suggestively as she said, "Of course. I knew that already."

"Well, it's not like I...HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! Just what are you trying to imply here?"

Yubel smirked.

"Well, let's just say that your boyfriend has some interesting memories involving you. I stumbled across them while I was inhabiting his mind. They were very entertaining...especially the one with the chocolate syrup!"

Ekou grew enraged. How dare this being MOCK her like that? To her embarrassment, she realized that she was blushing (which pretty much gave everything away).

Nevertheless, Ekou managed not to lose her temper. She coldly stated, "And it's really none of your business what we do, thank you very much."

Yubel was finally silenced for a brief period of time. Then, she had an unexpected reaction...she burst into anguished tears.

"You're...you're so mean!" she sobbed, "I just wanted to be best friends with you, and you yelled at meeeeee!"

Ekou certainly hadn't thought she had yelled, and said as much. Yubel would have none of that, though.

"Don't try to make excuses! I was trying to be nice, and you threw it all in my face! That's it...I don't like you anymore! I'm leaving now, and I don't want to see you ever again!"

She then stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She continued to stand right outside the door, sobbing for dramatic effect. When Ekou didn't rush out to apologize, Yubel evidently grew tired of the theatrics and left.

Ekou didn't believe for one second that Yubel was gone for good. She would have to be alert at all times, just to make sure that Yubel didn't try to pull a fast one on her.

**Day 3**

Okay...this place was officially boring.

Ekou had slept until she could sleep no more. She had memorized every detail of the two cracks in the fourth wall. She had relived every memory from her past countless times. And now...she had finally run out of things to do. She had even considered killing herself, just to have something to do. Then she had remembered that she was already dead, so it wouldn't work.

And then...just as Ekou was about to lose all hope...Yubel made her grand re-appearance.

"Since I'm so nice, I decided to forgive you! Now we can be friends again!" she said jovially. She clasped her hands together in what appeared to be excitement.

All Ekou could say was, "I see." She thought that she was prepared for any random topic Yubel might want to discuss. And sure enough, Yubel did not disappoint her.

After about a minute of silence, Yubel suddenly asked, "What does it feel like?"

Ekou wasn't quite sure what Yubel was talking about. So she replied as politely as she could, "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean. What does what feel like? To be a soldier, to be betrayed, to be squeezed to death in the hand of some ugly monster...just what are you referring to?"

She almost added, "To be tortured by an annoying and juvenile monster from Hell" to that list, but thought better of it.

Yubel looked unusually coy. She shifted her feet like a little girl might, while saying, "Oh...you know..."

"No, Yubel, I don't think I do know."

Yubel thought for a moment, then slowly walked up to Ekou's ear, in which she loudly whispered one word.

" _IT!_ " she hissed insistently. Ekou finally realized what Yubel might be getting at.

"Oh...you're talking about sex, aren't you?"

Ekou hadn't thought that Yubel could blush, but she had been proven wrong. Right now, Yubel's whole face was turning a nice shade of beet-red.

"You didn't have to say a bad word!" she whimpered. This was when Ekou realized that she could have a bit of fun with this. For once, she had the upper hand.

"Oh, Yubel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say a bad word. Would you rather that I say 'fucking' instead?"

Yubel squawked indignantly.

"No, you can't say that either! You have to call it 'it', or else we're not talking about this anymore! Is that clear?"

"But you were the one who brought it up in the first place."

"Don't you talk back at me!"

Ekou finally decided that there was no way out. Still...no one said that she couldn't exaggerate a bit, right?

 **Later**...

"And that's when I had to go to the hospital and get ten stitches. I couldn't walk properly for a month," Ekou finished. Okay, so now she had crossed the line from "exaggerating" to "just plain making stuff up"...but Yubel didn't have to know that, did she?

Yubel looked rather green. Well, as green as her skin could get, at any rate. She said faintly, "Okay...thank you for letting me know. Now I'm going to go to...the place...to do the thing." Then, she walked unsteadily out the door. Ekou hoped beyond hope that she would get sick.

**Day 4**

Yubel was quick at recovering from being scarred for life. When she walked back into Ekou's room the next day, she was as bright and bouncy as ever.

"Look at my new makeup!" she exclaimed excitedly.

Ekou could think of only one thing to say about said makeup.

"It's...blue." she said flatly.

"Yes, isn't it beautiful?"

"But why is it blue?"

"Because I thought it looked nice! Also, that man with the ruffles on his coat said that blue was totally my color!"

"Oh, you mean Chronos-sensei? I wouldn't put too much store in what he says. He tried to tell me that I should dye my hair magenta."

"I think he had a good point, actually. And may I mention that you have a really nice-looking butt?"

Yubel had said this last sentence in an entirely different voice. While she usually talked in a rather breathy, girly, voice, this one was undoubtedly masculine. But Ekou hadn't really noticed this. She was too busy becoming super-angry. No one, and she meant NO ONE, was allowed to talk about her butt...not even Amon!

Seconds later, Yubel found herself on the other side of the door.

"And don't ever come back, you pervert!" shouted Ekou as she slammed the door in Yubel's face.

**Day 5**

When Ekou woke up the next morning, she happened to brush her hand across her mouth as she was yawning. When she looked at said hand, she noticed that it was smeared with bright blue lipstick.

Yubel had gotten her revenge. Well, at least she hadn't dyed Ekou's hair as well.

**Day...what day was it again?**

Ekou hadn't seen Yubel for a while. Apparently, she had been off doing...whatever it is that horny virgins from Hell do.

Then, finally, someone walked into the room. But it sure didn't look like Yubel.

"Um...hi," Ekou said hesitantly, "Are you my new roommate or something?"

The blue-haired newcomer gave Yubel's trademark smirk.

"Don't you recognize me? It's your old friend, Yubel! I'm just inhabiting a new body for the moment. And I got this nice new outfit too...it was on sale and everything!"

Ekou started to ask just what store would sell a shirt with that many belts on it, but decided that she probably didn't want to know.

Yubel-in-the-blue-haired-guy's-body frowned thoughtfully, then added, "Sadly, however, this person doesn't have any entertaining memories involving chocolate syrup. Or any entertaining memories at all, for that matter."

Ekou sweatdropped again.

**Day...what day was it again?...Later**

At last! Amon was here! Ekou finally felt some hope. Amon would surely save her from this hellhole.

**Day...what day was it again?...Later still**

"Um...Amon-chan...can you hear me? Help! I'm being held hostage by a horny virgin from Hell! And she's hitting on me and forcing me to wear ugly blue lipstick! Plus, it's really, really boring here. Um...Amon...hello? You can hear me right? This is Ekou, your girlfriend, and I need your help! Help! Help! HEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!"

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Picture inspired by this story: https://www.deviantart.com/dancingkirby/art/GTFO-Yubel-81015308. Yeah, I know that the arms are kinda wack.


End file.
